00-No Thank You

Maybe it is just me (although my fellow cinema goers instantly discount this) but what the hell has happened to Mr.Bond lately?

No, this is not another comparison of bond actors past and present, a comparison of accents, hairstyle and dashing deep blue eyes (they tell me Mr.Craig possesses a pair) ..this is in fact not a comparison whatsoever, because the only thing i can compare my recent viewing of the latest bond film to is, …the last bond film. Full stop.

Every other bond film i have seen has been ridiculous, but it is a bond film, that is what we pay our money for, cars, gadgets, women and the kill time one liners, …but i challenge you ladies and gentlemen, for i have seen pretty much all of the bond films, and never once have i finished one and thought to myself “What the hell was that all about again?”

There is absolutely no tangible plot in the film, even as i try to argue devils advocate to this statement in my head i feel like i am trying to remember parts of a film i saw weeks, months maybe years ago, …not last night.

I remember scenes, i remember actors, but plot, ..thin, vague, non-existent, these are the only words that spring to mind.

So how has this happened?, what has happened? Well i think before we continue we have to ask ourselves a couple of key questions here:

What exactly was the bad guy trying to achieve with his world domination scheme in this movie?

He was bad, we know that much, he must be, he had a crooked face, french accent and hung out with bolivians in speedboats, but his aims, his goals, …they manifested themselves through pretending to the west that he was looking for oil in the boliian desert and if he found it they could all share, ..which of course even form the very outset we knew not to be true, …..but it took most of the movie for us to find out what he was really up to …and i was expecting underground lairs of Moonraker proportions, …oh no, …he had, ..erm, …stored some water underground, ..and he wanted to, …erm, ..charge the bolivian government 60% more than they were paying to access it !!!!
Is this not all of our major global and national utility companies, ..We call it a water bill, ..but apparently this was dastardly indeed.

Did anyone see a Q provided gadget in this movie?

Yes i figured out that John Cleese was never going to become a permanent fixture as a Q replacement, ..and yes, Q is no more, ..but did every single gadget have to die with it, i mean the closest i saw to his watch was the Omega advert just before the movie started, …other than that, no lasers, exploding inanimate objects, nothing, …except, ..oh yes, …one giant huge touch screen desktop computer !! ..they moved stuff around on it like it was, ..erm, ..like it was, ..a  ,.erm, ..what is that futurist concept thing called where you can touch the screen, ..oh yes, .an iPhone.

Actually, ..if you want to be impressed by a touch screen desktop, check out this video, don’t go and watch bond.

So can we leave bond alone now, it’s just not worth it anymore, i will wait for the download (sorry i mean DVD) in future, unless someone goes the extra mile to realise that you still need a storyline to make a movie  …in this country. Which is the final travisty of the matter, ..this film is one of the few massive guarenteed global blockbusters to come out of a UK studio, ..and that was the best we could do.

Well i can’t really just leave it like that can i, so if you liked the whole 3d desktop bit, just have a look at what they could have got if they bought in Mr Gates instead of Q.

And finally, if that was a little too serious for you, here is the lighter side of the 3D desktop theme that this post seems to have accidently adopted.