t’was the night before christmas

Well actually it was the day before christmas, …what day exactly i do not know, days do not have roman names anymore there will be christmas day, seven days later new years day, another seven to my birthday, and then maybe, just maybe i will have a look at what everyone else is calling the days after that.

I have been fairly quiet of recent as you may have noticed, this is because the days have been fairly uneventful, consisting of sitting waiting for the wind in a hammock, reading to my hearts content, smiling on the inside at amusing anecdotes i cannot put down on here in case the people i talk about take my email address, …well except for my annoying overweight middle aged stalker lady who has now gone home, …even if by some weirdo stalker chance she managed to find this, .”Don’t you get it lady, really? or were you doing it on purpose to see just how far you could push the limits of my courtesy before I exploded, …trust me, you came very very close lady”.

I have met some lovely people however, south africans, english, germans, italians, canadians hiding in secret government locations i could tell you but would have to kill you first, you name it, ..when there is no wind people are bought together, both kiters, and none kiters getting thoroughly amused by our staining on the beach with wind meters on one leg desperately trying to stretch to the extra bit of wind that takes the meter from 7 to 8 knots. :)

So finally yesterday I decided it might be time, given the continued prospect of no wind, to take a trip somewhere. I know mum, get back on your chair, a trip, me, the hater of all things tourist trip related, but someone pushed my buttons, …i’m not telling you how in case it is later used against me.
I was undecided at first umping and aahing, about it, but then the annoyance at saying no just once to often kicked in and i thought what’s have you got to lose, ..apart form a day in a hammock.

So off i went on the blue safari, and let me tell you now before anything i relate is tinged with a slight bitter aftertaste, i really did have fun, it was a fantastic experience. We took a minibus to the middle of nowhere, followed by a boat to the real middle of nowhere, and i mean it this time, an island in the middle of the sea about 200 metres wide with a small sandy beach about 50 metres wide on one side (and the other i later discovered).
Here the boat left us (There were 6 of us in total, 2 ozzies, 2 canadians, 2 south africans and me, ..+ 1 local guy …which clearly makes 8 actually :) ), We swam in beautiful waters and even when out of nowhere the skies darkened over and the heavens opened, it was amazing, incredible to be marooned on a desert island in the tropical rain, …and thunder, and lightning, ..and fuck me was there thunder. Apparently sitting in the water in a tropical storm is not the greatest idea :) …oops.

It kept raining, and however hot is was, rain and cloudy skies eventually do their best to remove this form your memory and put a wry smile on your face about the coldness you had been idly wishing for in jest over a beer the night before.
Needless to say after 40 minutes in the water and the worrying proximity of the lightning bolt the 8 of us ended up hunched under an overhanging rock eating from a one coconut between us for just over an hour before it finally stopped raining.
I had to smile i really did, but mostly when it actually stopped raining.

We left the island shortly after that after calling back the boat and went for some snorkelling amounts some coral a few miles away in between a number of islands so small you couldn’t land a garden shed on them which was them followed by a trip to a bigger island where unbeknown to us some men had been marooned much earlier with equipment and the sole purpose of providing us lunch, ..and oh the did, calamari, squid, octopus, fish with green luminous bones, …for starters, ..and then the most incredible brightly coloured lobsters freshly caught for lunch. Anyone who knows me will know that instantly put a big smile on my face, and a big poo in my belly.
After lunch we had some free time to wander the island, so i returned with only the smile and we did some chasing and filming of huge hermit crabs on the beach followed by a little mangrove walk and exploration of the island.

Then it was time for home with a boat trip back to the middle of nowhere, and then the minibus back to somewhere.

I was so happy, i’d had a great day and would remember it forever, ….however for what reasons we shall see.
When we returned to the beach i noticed an unusual number of inflated kites for a windless day, although this did not both me as i knew a horde of italians had arrived, and i know what italian kiters are like, they would have wanted to ‘display’ there kites much like the italian men who ‘display’ there ornaments in their speedos up and down the beach like modern day tartans, so this did not much bother me, …i strolled to the kite centre and it didn’t take long for the truth to hit me, either but self realisation, or the fits of hysterics of those with whom i had sat for 2 weeks waiting for the wind, …for whilst i had been sitting on some far off island hunched under a rock for hours the wind had miraculously and unforecastedly appeared from nowhere to blow solid and strong for 3 hours.
Oh yes i kid you now, ..those fucking italians had got off a plane, marched onto the beach, blown up their kites and …kited.
I wanted to cry so much i had to laugh, ..a lot, for a long time, ..in fact the main solace i could gain from the situation was the unbridled happiness and laughter i was able to bring to the faces of everyone the beach who knew me, …everyone.

So that was my day, …it was still my best here so far, i had a lovely dinner with some newer friends, and some not so knew, we played pool until late and then went for a midnight christmas swim with some who i can only hope might be more than friends and then to sleep, ..as i have it on good authority that christmas may bring the same gifts once more.

It hasn’t of course, ..I am sitting here writing this in my room whilst it pours down outside, ..I awoke nice and early ready for the wind, storm on the horizon as yesterday, and then as the wind started to kick in, ..so did the rain, …tropical and immense, …and now as i draw to the close of this story the storm draws to its close and we are back to the unwelcome stillness i know so well.

HAppy christmas everybody, I hope you receive everything your heart desires, and if you don’t at least make sure you give a smile.

Sunset to sunrise, the waiting game.

Why not outline my daily timetable so far, this is supposed to be a holiday blog after all and as i was considering a choice between ‘Sunset to sunrise, the waiting game’ and ‘Living with what we have’ I decided it was enough eco-mentalist talk for the time being and a little more sun sea wind and tides.

And this is how it goes in my days at the moment, I wake up, if there is wind left over from the night before I get straight out on the water after a quick gorge on plate of fruit (i will abstain from breakfast almost, but never from nothing at all in the morning).

At the moment my envious kiting friends who think i am just a bit to jammy and are possibly re-thinking our friendship, I can tell you, i have not ridden in in over 14knots so far, ..everything has been 11-14knots, ..so i have not done a single big boost, …but it makes me appreciate every single bit of wind nature provides and once i am locked in and flying across the crystal sclera turquoise waters, I think to myself, this is not so bad, after all I do have month of this. You may however slowly start to see this optimism fade if the weeks where on and the wind does not begin to really fulfil its potential.

Then the day, well currently governed by the tides the day is more of a waiting game, the tide goes out, the wind just teases you at 10 knots (it took me a few days but i know better now, i know it is just teasing), i read, we talk about the wind and i enjoy my time with my new friends discussing the prospects and implications of the lack of electricity and wind, but always with a smile.

Lunch is taken at the beach, this allows me to add it to my tab, which given the no functioning nature of a cash machine (if there was such a thing here in the first place) this suits me well.

Then the evening comes and as the sun begins to set the wind again picks up, (it really picks up after dark just to tease you the most, but without light there is no night kiting so we ignore this and are grateful for the natural room air conditioning it provides) and we all hit the water for the last few hours eking every last minute we can out of the sunlight even if it means showering and changing by candlelight in my hut, something i have actually grown to really enjoy, especially as it removes all need for vanity as one simply can’t see the mirror, never mind your own reflection in it.

Dinners have now become a regular fixture at Paje By Night, for so many reasons, generator, internet, and most importantly really really good italian food (not all italian food, but cooked to the standards of an italian), which ends my days with a smile and a full stomach. The bartering of a tab here for my month was an excellent bonus as the exchange rate if you try and pay in dollars is made up on the spot and about twice what you would pay on the card, so now i will have 2 nicely sized tabs to manage, and a cash free holiday, which always removes some stress, …or just bags it all up for the end :)

The nights, they are governed by the wind, they are either hot and sweaty or they are made pleasurable by the wind, …oh wind, how you affect so much of my life.

When the morning come however, it matters not, because this is what i wake up to.

(it takes 2 images to really show you what i mean).

Is anyone missing the friendly travel blog?

So i thought it might be about time to provide what my mother has come here to read, an envy inducing travel blog, which i feel may have somehow been lacking in the past few days.
Even though i endured a second day without kiting today all is still well in paradise. I think i was due an entire day of doing nothing at all, which is precisely what i got. You see yesterday was spent waiting for the wind to come because we knew it was coming, and then at 4pm it came, ..it was not much, that frustrating amount where there is just not enough for mere mortals to get moving, ..but me, well i weigh a fraction of a mere mortal, and i had a secret weapon, a door.

Those of my kiting friends will know exactly to what i refer, the epic sized flyboards ‘the door’ a board of such immense proportions that it truly deserves its name, ..and boys, it may look ridiculous, ..but when you are way out and everyone else is still struggling to stand up, let alone plane, i assure you, it is all about the door.
I can overlook that you need to book an appointment with it in order to dial in a rotation, and that the nose leaves the water a good second before the tail when you pop, because let’s be honest, it was not exactly designed for that, and the sheer fact you are using it is proof that there is only 11 knots of wind and you should be grateful to even be kiting in the first place.
Having said that, the more persistent of you will get to experience the almighty thwack it makes as you stick a rotation on landing, ..it really had me grinning ear to ear even if it was no more than half a metre high, ..in fact the sheer magnitude of even achieve said feat on said board was enough to remind me of why i am here in the first place.
It also made a great platform, literally, to go out a few miles and survey the reef, which in turn awoke my leg muscles from their hibernation period and reminded them why we are here.

I know the forecast for tomorrow now, I know it will be a particularly active day, So i feel no regrets for easing into things today, for both my body and my skin which is being allowed to ease into the equatorial sun with dignity rather than the reddened effects of he who must kite 6 hours a day from day 1.

To close, if i had any gripes about the lack of water out of the tap when YOU need it, or the electricity, i am always reminded it could be worse by those with children, wives and girlfriends, who seem to complain a lot which causes me great amusement as they clearly never read the label before coming, or think that complaining to the bar staff who smile and say ‘no problem’ will actually do anything.
When the complainant leaves the barman smiles at me and i know i have done my bit to restore the opinions of our people in this country when so many other nations have had it permanently tarnished by all inclusive Stella drinkers.

I’ll leave you this evening with with my office chair for the day, and the view from my desk, and realise i have not related the story of last night with the one beer too many, someone else’s hut door in the dark and a large black security dog in the pitch dark, ..then accept i probably never will.

Living in a world with no electricity

Ok, so maybe country would be a more appropriate title, but it is not going to take much of a stretch of my imagination to apply this situation globally.

These thoughts are not about not being able to charge my computer and iphone (of course i would write this in pencil on paper if i had to, out getting it to your eyes would be a bit more challenging, and spell checking would be a little less automatic), this is more about attitudes to the lack of, and adaption.

What is going on in so many ways reflects what we have going on on a global scale with reaction and action to both climate change and impending ‘peak oil’.

To help better explain this i will take it back to local again.

I arrive at my abode for the next month only to be greeted by a view of clear turquoise water, soft soft white sand, and silence, ..and i mean silence, no background music, no whir of a refrigerator, nothing, just the humbled sound of a man apologising to my sincerely and informing me that there has been no power on the island for a while (like you could be in this country for more than five minutes without being made aware of this).
The look on his face suggested he thought i would be angry, annoyed, at least demand some kind of compensation for this terrible situation, and i think was most surprised to be great by my smile, shrug and exclamation of ‘hakuna matata’ (which in my very limited swahili or arabic i have always managed to convey my very non english reaction to a situation that would leave many a western tourist causing a fuss, ….inshallah seems to have the same effect but you choose your response based on the recipient).

So trying not to go off on too much of a tangent, back to the matter at hand. I can’t charge my phone or computer. Well if there is no internet who needs a phone or computer anyway :) I am in paradise, i’ll deal with it, ..I am much more concerned about the lack of wind at the current moment of standing looking out at the sea, ..which when i mention this to the gentleman at reception am responded to with a touch or sarcastic irony that i do not think was intended, but couldn’t have found a better recipient, ..’hakuna matata’. I smile.

So what are the day to day effects of no power on an island. The first and foremost is the value of the commodity known as diesel. You see power can be made, and those whose infrastructure demands it will always find a way, you see in Africa there are two very different types of person, irrelevant of race or country of origin, ..those who can afford to get themselves out of a situation, and those who cannot.
The cans right now are all running their diesel generators and bulk buying thousands of litres of diesel, which of course is leaving the cannot’s with a diesel shortage, rising prices beyond their reach and a simple choice, ..apart.
They do, this is what interests me so much and is the point i feel i should get to before i ramble to the extinction of my battery without ever reaching my conclusion.

Those who can always find a way to continue with the life of familiarity no matter what affect it has on the rest of the cannot’s around, and they will do this until every last finite resource has been used up, …and they consider the cannot’s to be a finite resource in case there was any doubt about that.

[sorry, this session of writing was interrupted for a while to engage in a very interesting conversation with a marine biologist, whom after listening to him during the first half of this post talking to (or being spoken to) by the atypical over weight sunburnt dissatisfied british single woman about how bad everything was, i felt the balance needed redressing, even at the expense of a little precious precious battery. Why do people like that travel the world alone to places like this, is it simply to go home afterwards and feel more comfortable in their mediocre lives and construct negative feedback on holiday forums, or is it just to allow persons such as myself contrasting content for our musings.]

So back again to the situation at hand, …the collection of beach huts i am living in have now acquired a generator, and how does this affect my day to day actions. Simple, there is milk with my coffee, and butter will my breakfast. Oh wait, ..i have just realised, COLD BEER!
And how has this affected me, well other than spurring forward my eco tendencies and realisation and frustration at the situation we find ourselves in globally it has given me an increased pleasure in the smaller luxuries in life such as cold beer, enough power to re-charge just a phone for a few days, the joy of existing with no light, the appreciation of trickling water from a shower as opposed to no water at all, but must importantly, the need to prepare ourselves to be able to deal with life when our various resources are removed.

were this to happen in London life would take a much much different turn, locally we cannot turn on our taps without power, heat our homes, supermarkets can’t keep the food cold, ..businesses can’t operate, ..and, ..hold, ..wait a minute, this is what is going on right here, right now, ….so what seems to be the difference, ..attitude of the masses. You see here the can’s are a minority, if it came to crunch time you would hope they would have to humanity to open up their finite resources to those around them, or help them adapt through using their prosperity to to allow the community to set itself up for survival as a community, of which regardless of wealth, they are an integral part of.
The problem we have globally, ..the numbers are reversed, the can’s may not outnumber the cannot’s in sheer numbers, but in power and influence they win hands down, and we are faced with a horrifying reality which i am a little uncomfortable ending this post on, but is something that i think is important enough to leave you with a bad taste in your mouth when usually i would replace it with a smile.

Are we the can’s unwittingly planning, or at least allowing a global holocaust to assemble into motion, one that will essentially remove the world of anyone financially unable to survive, those either below a certain geographic line, or unable to climb above a certain economic one?
Are we all knowing turning a blind eye to this or has our media left us so dumbed to the horror of reality through a campaign of desensitisation over the past few decades of reporting on our actions that we are willing to accept the extinction of potentially two thirds of the global population?
Or am i just a man on a beach with no wind and no power and too much time to think?

What is more important than internet?

Now we get to pose a most interesting question, one that has made me surprisingly happy to be honest, and will also make this post surprisingly brief.
I said i hated uncertainty when ruled by bureaucracy, however this little interjection files me right in line with all of the rest of the inhabitants of this island on which i am now living. And it is not as small as that sentence may lead you to believe.
Ok, backtrack, ..and please also take into account that I am absolutely exhausted as i did not sleep on the flight and have spent the greater part of the day sweating and waiting for the wind to pick up to a kiting level, which it did not. I didn’t recline in case your wondering.

The flights all rolled into one, and finally i found myself in Zanzibar, hot, sweaty, and without it would seem the intended pick up taxi the hotel should have arranged. This of course left me pray to taxi poachers, but as i am alone it was easy to bargain for the right deal, and i ended up pay the same as the transfer would have cost, so no drama there.
I’d better just get to the drama actually, and save the rest of the emotional baggage for later as i am almost too tired to write, and certainly too tired to be interested in what i am writing.

There is no electricity in the whole of Zanzibar, …none, except to those that have diesel generators, …which as you may remember mine got left behind as surplus luggage in heathrow.

There hasn’t been for over three weeks! They don’t know when it will be back on.

Stop and think about everything that requires electricity to run, ..including the pumps to pump the diesel to put in your generators.

Wireless modems probably come a long way down that list, as does my phone and laptop.

So if you are reading this anytime near the date it was written, well then the walk i am about to take down the beach looking for a diesel powered bar i have heard of was a success, ..if not, ..well then your not really reading this now are you!

I’m going to have a beer and fall over into my bed. Which is amazing by the way, ..you’ll just have to wait to hear about it properly.

—captains log supplemental: There is no way i cannot give a huge shout out and linkage to PajeByNight who are currently supplying me with power and internet. I love you Marco.